The Hitter

If you have read enough of my blog, you know by now I have two kids.  One girl, one boy and these two are like night and day right down to my pregnancies with each of them.  When I was pregnant with my daughter, I felt HORRIBLE!!!!  All I could stomach was cold canned peaches and pepperoni pizza from Sbarro.  I was pregnant in every part of my body to the point I looked like a basketball with eyes all through my third trimester.  My labor with her was my reward for my pregnancy, it was quick and dirty, just like all labors should be.  Pitocin, broken water, baby.  So easy I don’t even remember the pain, though I am 100% sure I saw stars during one of my contractions.  I guess the easy labor was God’s way of making sure I had energy for the next step, because I did not sleep for longer than 30 minutes at a time for the next 3 months.  My daughter had this strange thing going where she had two modes: crying or sleeping.  I will let you guess which one she liked to do the most.  During those three months, she took four 45 minute naps a day, all which did not allow me to “sleep when baby is sleeping”, which I think is the biggest bullshit phrase I have ever heard.  When she wasn’t asleep, she was crying.  I guess it was her way to pass the time away, or ensure there were none after her.  The upside was for all the crying, when she hit the toddler years she was a DREAM.  I took my daughter everywhere, nail salons, to get my hair done, church, shopping trips, dinner, you name it, had toddler, will travel.  I remember bringing her to my office to do some overtime and she sat quietly for 5 hours coloring.  I was a winner in the mommy world.  I would look at parents who were trying to calm some wild three year old throwing a tantrum in the supermarket,  and I would tsk-tsk on how they needed to control their kid or whatever sage advice the 25 year old me had.  Terrible Twos?  That was something “bad mommies” made up.  Your child was a biter?  I was judging you….my little girl would never bite anyone!  We know how to respect our peers!  She was my personal Beyonce and I was her Mama Tina.  Parenting was so easy that 5 years later, I thought that it would be a great idea to have another baby.  This baby was going to be wonder baby number 2!  I would parade my well behaved children in front of everyone and be the envy of all parents.  Every one would want to know how I did it!  Spring of 2009 I got pregnant with my son and that pregnancy was a breeze!  I looked good, felt good, and I was only pregnant in one place…my stomach.  My labor was loooooong….36 hours to be exact and during a Nor’easter.  Fall of 2009 my son was born and I was pleasantly surprised.  The boy slept so much I would call my former mother in law and ask if it was normal for a baby to sleep that long.  I was one rested new mama.  Then when he turned two he morphed into a completely different person.  His tantrums started off on a small scale, just a little crying here and there, and worked their way up to epic sized proportions.  For the past three months, trips to the grocery store have been an exercise in futility.  I will never forget the Produce Section Standoff of 2013.  I stood my ground, refusing to purchase cupcakes for my son (BTW I would like to thank Giant Supermarket for putting the cupcakes RIGHT IN ENTRANCE OF THE STORE) while he laid in front of the bananas screaming like a mad person.  This went on for 25 minutes.  I gave in, in the name of getting my shopping done, but I felt like a huge “FAIL” was above my head.  During his tantrum, I noticed the looks of the other mothers in the store.  I knew the look because it was MY look.  I was no longer that mother with the “put together three year old.”  Overall, having children that are on both sides of the behavior spectrum has been a good thing for me.  My daughter has taught me to enjoy having an “easy baby”, even though that “easy baby” is now a “shade throwing pre-teen” and my son has taught me not to be a Judgy McJuddgenstein of other mothers.  It is sooooo easy to see a kid acting the fool in grocery store and make a judgement that the child’s behavior is related to parenting skills, but trust and believe, every piece of advice I get, but I am learning that you have to do what works with your child.  I learned very quickly that I could not use the same tactics on my son that I used on my daughter.  They are individuals and I have to treat them as such.  So next time you are in Target and you see a weary mom stepping over a screaming three year old (which is what I call the “I can’t see you” technique)  don’t be so quick to label her as a bad parent.  Maybe she has just had a two hour commute in Cherry Blossom Festival traffic, just paid 50 dollars in late fees to the daycare, and all she wants to do is get the Sleepytime Extra , that she has forgotten to buy the last 5 trips.